


Once They Held Life Within Them

by aimforthedogstar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 05:28:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16152560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimforthedogstar/pseuds/aimforthedogstar
Summary: The first thing that Remus fell in love with when it came to Sirius Black, were his eyes, and it always amazed Remus as to all the feelings and emotions they depicted as life took its course for the two of them.





	Once They Held Life Within Them

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a fic, so please let me know how it was.

The first attribute of Sirius Black that Remus Lupin ever noticed and consequently was enraptured by for times to come, were his eyes.

They were two pools of mercury, lined by long thick lashes sat in a pale-toned chiselled face on either side, nearing the top of a long, slightly upturned nose beneath elegant aristocratic brows.

It quite possibly may have been the first thing of Sirius that Remus fell in love with. It wasn't just the beauty of seeing various shades and flecks of grey and white swirling around pitch black pupils, it was all that was written and conveyed within them, showcasing the emotions of the heart and soul enclosed behind it.

Of all the memories they accumulated, Remus could starkly remember and describe what his eyes looked like in each of them.

The glint of mischief when a plan was being formed, the thrill of adventure in its execution and the glow of joy after a prank well done.  
The light shimmering of satisfaction and peace when it was just the four friends lounging around the Black lake, beneath the soft rays of the sun on a lazy afternoon.  
The vivid aura of pure excitement when they finally achieved success in their animagus transformations.  
The sparkling amusement at the mad antics of his friends.  
The glistening concern that burned near and after the full moons, sat beside the hospital bed holding onto each other hands and the warm sparkle of tenderness and compassion that never failed to soothe Remus.  
The glimmer of teasing underlined with flirtation as they came closer and closer and saw each other clearer and brighter.  
The fierce intensity of arousal during their kiss and the burning passion of lust as they made love all outlined and made clear by the brilliant stormy grey irises.

When news of the death of his friends, his found family in the hands of his lover and the fate that lay before him reached Remus, deep beneath all the pain, anger, frustration and sorrow was a desperate yearning to see those brilliant eyes once more, as they were, before betrayal and deception marred them.

The yearning that seemed more and more hopeless as years went on, was against all odds answered when Remus lay eyes on Sirius Black once again more than a decade later.  
They didn't hold the aesthetically sublime beauty as they once did, they were hollowed out, with dark circles and heavy bags under their eyes, with skin stretched taut all around them, clouded over as a result of the years spent in hell in the cold embrace of demons, but underneath all that was a familiar spark that spoke of madness and obsession.  
As the events unfolded within the Shrieking Shack, a flicker of urgent overwhelming need to be understood arose within the depths.  
And before everything went awry that night, a small flare of relief took birth in those tired eyes.

Life in Sirius Black was always available for the world to see in the ashen irises. And drop by drop, it awoke from its slumber as they adjusted to a sense of normalcy and routine lying low at the Lupin cottage.  
There were nights when all that could be found beneath those heavy hooded eyelids were melancholy, pain and a deep burn of helplessness but as the night gave away to days, they were replaced with small specks of hope, a poor parody of peace and a distinct blaze of courage.

As Voldemort achieved a corporeal form and made his appearance once again, the threat of another harsh war loomed over their heads. The Order came together, the soldiers gathered once more, the morals and sense of righteousness ignited within the members once again and they stepped out, ready to fight, ready to sacrifice in the hopes of a better tomorrow. 

All except one.

One was bound once again, escaping from one prison to be found within the confines of another. Grimmauld Place began to steal from Sirius what he saved fighting tooth and nail with all the demons that made home within him over the years in Azkaban prison.   
Remus never thought life to be cruel enough to subject him to the same agony he felt for years due to the losses he suffered, but it turned out life was just that cruel. The past torment, no matter how painful, was always distanced. He never was around to see his life break apart firsthand but only found the pieces of the aftermath of all that had transpired and left with questions to which he never thought he would find answers to.  
But the past torment didn't measure up to the heartache he felt now, being a front line spectator, helpless and powerless, to see it all fall apart once again. To see his once bright, exuberant and ebullient lover reduced to a shell of his former self.  
To see nothing but pain and anguish in his hollowed out eyes being stuck in a house that was hell of the worst kind for Sirius. To be cloistered within the walls of the house that once tried to strip him of all that he was, that once he managed to escape by the skin of his teeth.   
Remus knew this time his friend would not escape, he saw it every time he went out and came back in, to lays eyes on Sirius once again, to find the weariness weighing like boulders, to see the light slowly and excruciatingly begin to burn out and dull in those eyes that once seemed to hold light as bright as the star he was named after.

Once Remus came back to headquarters late at night to find the only living soul, bar the house elf, was Sirius. And that was when it hit him. To see absolute defeat etched in every corner of the too thin body, and the near extinguished gleam in those slate grey eyes. It became quite clear then, to Remus, all the horrors that the person he still managed to love above all had lived through, from the despicable childhood to abusive parents, from the horrors of war to the loss of friends, family and freedom, that through it all, the strong grit and fighting spirit that had shielded Sirius all through the trials of his life, it was finally stripped off by the house that was once a home, that haunted Sirius to the depths of his soul the dementors never managed to reach.

And finally, finally, after what felt like eons, did Remus see a gleam of mischief and a spark of his once former self, as they battled in the Department of Mysteries, that the small comfort and joy to see life in Sirius again managed to overthrow him, and just when he naively believed, that maybe, just maybe, despite how feeble it seemed, that his friend would hold on and survive long enough to come out the other side, to be given a chance to build himself again, did Remus finally see the image of absolutely nothing in the eyes he so fell in love with so long ago, seemingly in another life all together, as all life and emotion, those pair of eyes always seemed to so expertly convey for all the world to see was wiped away in a flash as Sirius fell through the veil.


End file.
